The Day of Tortoises Changed Everything
by MikadoEngieSef
Summary: A crack, or more so meth, fiction based off of the weekly occurances with me and my friends who have named eachother after the characters of Assassin's Creed. May contain suggestive themes, cursing, yaoi, and/or tortoises.


_ Story takes place in modern times. Maria divorced Altair. In court Altair and Maria agreed to share custody of their son, Sef, while Maria took full custody of their son Darim._

_ Altair and Malik got together. Some may be able to compare this crack-wait... no.. Crack doesn't suit it right... Meth-there we go-fiction, to the two and a half men tv show, just with more love and stuff that would never happen._

** Warnings for this entire story:** Contains suggestive themes, cursing, turtles, drug use, life-endangering situations, and a yaoi situation here and there, violence.

** Warnings for this chapter:** cursing, turtles, and a bit of violence.

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Malik blinked when the doorbell rang. Who the hell could that be? He huffed, continuing to stir the bowl of spaghetti. It was probably just those stupid Jehovah's witness idiots trying to give them another pamphlet. He chuckled when he glanced to the stack of pamphlet's they had ontop of the fridge.

There went the doorbell again, but this time whoever was at the door continued to repeatedly press the doorbell, causing Malik to growl with annoyance. "Coming! Jesus Christ!" He barked with annoyance. That was when the person at the door ended the assult on the doorbell. Malik sighed, setting the wooden spoon on the counter and rushing out of the kitchen and down the hall to slowly unlock the door and peek through the peep-hole. No one. It was just a view of their walk-way.

Malik growled with more annoyance and locked the door again. "Damn kids.." He muttered before the doorbell rang once more. He blinked before slowly unlocking the door and opening it. There infront of the doorway stood a young eight-year-old Sef with a tortoise on either shoulder and one on his head. He smiled and pushed past Malik, rushing on up the stairs, headed for his room.

Malik glanced back to watch the child, seeing three other tortoises poking out of the child's backpack, but one was upside down, the other two looking utterly confused as hell. (for those who know of anime; Malik anime sweat dropped and a blue aura grew apon his forehead.)

Sef yanked open the door to his room and rushed over to his bed, where he set doiwn the tortoises that were on his head and shoulders onto the bed. He slipped his backpack off and set it on the bed before taking out ever tortoise he had managed inside the backpack out and setting them apon his bed. He then opened up a smaller section of his backpack where there they a smaller, baby tortoise. He hugged the small reptile to himself and grinned.

Malik blinked and slowly turned to look out the door. Tortoises? There had to have been twenty or thirty of them in the yard. Most crawling around but there were a few that were on their sides or their backs. He glanced up at the sky to see that it was a dark grey. That was when their was a loud boom of thunder. That was when it began to pour. He glanced at the tortoises in the yard to see they all seemed to have red eyes and be looking at him. He quickly slammed the door closed and locked the door. "Ok.. so when it rains tortoises become evil now... No big deal or anything.." He muttered to himself.

He rushed on back into the kitchen which was filled with smoke from the boiling water and turned off the burner, going back to cooking like nothing had happen, even if the meat had been burned... alot.

About a half an hour later, after it had stopped raining was when Altair came home. He knocked on the door, not exactly wanting to press the doorbell that had seemed to have been punched by a smaller hand. When the door opened he looked from the doorbell to see Malik holding a chinese-box filled with rice and Sef with a baby tortoise on his head, with a chinese-box of rice for himself.

"Malik burnt the food so we had to order out!" The child taddled on his step-father. Malik turned to glare at Sef. "Excuse me!?" Malik's voice strained. Altair sighed, rolling his eyes. He walked on inside the home, past Malik and Sef, headed to the living room where there was an array of chinese-food boxes and the movie Nemo played. He glanced back to watch Malik and Sef walk past him to sit beside one another on the couch.

Altair smiled slightly before walking over to sit beside Malik. Since when did they even _have_ the movie Nemo? Malik Had forgotten to return it to the red box hadn't he? That behima(1).

When Altair sat down Malik went right ahead and wrapped an arm around Altair's shoulder to bring him close. Sef smiled when he glanced at the two and held the baby tortoise close, cuddling the small creature.

Malik glanced over at Sef and slowly reached to take the tortoise. "Hey!" Sef barked. Malik narrowed his eyes at the child. "Hush." He snapped. Sef glared. He then punched Malik in the arm. Malik smacked the turtle onto Sef's small head, making the child wail in surprise.

"Daaaaaad! Malik hit me with my turtle! Animal abuse!" Sef squealed. "It's a tortoise, not a turtle you idiot!" Malik barked. "Not only animal abuse, child abuse." Altair's voice spoke up in a growl. Malik gulped and slowly turned around to look at Altair, who glared at Malik.

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Not quite sure how well I did on the comedy-section of this, and I'm not even sure if there will even ever be another chapter. Only time, and wednesdays with my close friends will tell.

Translation(s):

(1) Behima- (noun) An idiot, livestock, someone of less intelectual value. Example- Malik

No tortoises were harmed in the making of this meth-fic.

Don't do drugs.


End file.
